This Day (written 12/12/06)

Hi everyone. There's a lot of hussle and bussle right now - a lot of hoo and a lot of ha. Bill and I have taken to shopping for the holidays and Sawyer has taken to throwing up today. I missed my usual Monday "deadline" for JEN NEWS because of the disruption in our routine, but I thought I would at least check in .

This week I've been thinking about how I go about Summoning Strength when I need it. My usual methods have involved a lot of self-criticism, brow beating myself into an active state, pushing myself or I try to compliment myself and build my ego up in order to feel strong. But I'm understanding that any form of self-coercion never results in true Strength. Strength is a kind of peacefulness with things. It's a relaxed state, not a forced or tense one.

This week Sawyer, decided to go for a walk by himself , out of anger. I was left calling his name out to the neighborhood , tears in my eyes as I walked the area. It was all because I had suggested he do his homework in the afternoon, rather than put it off until evening. He had screamed, "I don't like change!! I want to do the same thing the same way every day!!!" He was not in the mood to summon his strength through peacefulness, apparently. He wanted to fight it all.

I read a quote by Thomas Merton( a monk ) today. It was, "This day will not come again." I think this is valuable to hold in mind when times feel rough (and we find ourselves resisting change), in order to remember that what we are experiencing will pass and still, even if painful, has a unique, finite value to it . And I think it's important to hold in mind other times - so that we take a moment to be aware of our time - HERE -together or alone. Because the truth is everything does CHANGE or involve change in some way and this day will not come again, this moment will not come again, these sounds, thoughts, feelings in configuration with whatever else is happening will not come again. So, let us absorb what it is, and the potential of the moment.

May we all summon our strength through peacefulness these next weeks.

Thank you for reading my letters.
All is Well.
Lots of love,
Jen