The Freedom of Independent Thinking (written 2/25/08)

Hello great peoples. This week I want to write about Your Way, Opinions and Comments, and the Freedom of Independent Thinking. All right - let's hunker down and see what we come up with.

Years ago, when I was in art school, I was in a drawing class where each week we would be given a new assignment and start the piece in class. One day, we were drawing and the teacher did what she always did - circulated around the room and stopped by each person's station to comment on their work. She stopped at my table and looked at my piece. At that time, I liked charcoal and pastels and often erased a great deal in the process of discovering what I wanted to draw. As she looked at the first round of what I had put down, she began to comment. She pointed out potential problems I might have; things to address about the composition etc. I listened but I knew that the drawing she was talking about was not going to be the drawing I would end with. All she was reacting to was where I had started, but I could sense my direction. I had just taken a few steps out of the door of my house on my way somewhere and she was mistaking the first place I was standing for where I intended to go. So, nothing she said was actually relevant to me and what I wanted to do.

There was nothing wrong with what she was doing. She was telling us what she thought was working and what she thought was not. And for some of the students who were intending to end pretty much where they had begun, her advice on how to smooth out the presentation, made sense. But letting someone else's voice, comments, and opinion enter your thinking when you are in the process of connecting to what YOU want, is problematic at best. After all, you're the only one who can know what you want, and you're the only one who can decide the best way to go towards it for you. And if this is the case, which it is, you must trust your own (inner) voice first. Then if you are in the mood to listen to the Hoo and the Ha (the hooha) from others, you can swim in those waters as well. But only if you want.

Recently, I was talking with my Mom and she expressed her concern about Max's cough. He's had a cough for about a week now and it sounds, admittedly, awful. She wanted us to take him to the doctor and have it checked. Of course, we consider this every day. However, we have seen Max through many coughs and have learned that they always frighten us (at some point) and that it has consistently been a matter of giving them time to resolve. Then, the other day, my father expressed the same concern, bringing up the possibility of it being bronchitis and implying possible danger. His unease and fear were palpable just as my mother's had been. I had to pause. I had to pause in order to NOT join them. I had to pause in order to separate myself, to hear my own voice apart and to think independently so I could know what I actually thought.

Their comments were like an alarm going off, but if my own, true internal alarm had gone off I would have quickly taken action. But this was not the case. My alarm was not actually going off and they were ringing theirs. So, what to do? Act on theirs? The problem is that when someone else becomes uncomfortable, they want those feelings to GO AWAY and if they think you doing a particular thing might alleviate some of that for them, they can push pretty hard in that direction.

There is nothing wrong with taking Max to the doctor (and perhaps we will). There is nothing wrong with my parents expressing their concern. And, if I want peace of mind, I must check in with myself and not be in a knee-jerk reactive mode (self-activated nor activated by another). My sense of control rests not in trying to control any situation, but in making choices, moment by moment, based on my independent thought, unconcerned about the opinion of others. And this is freedom - to be me in the world, thinking as I think, acting as I wish to act, and feeling happy trusting my way. The only way to find our way in life is to do things the way that feels natural and right to us. And this is what allows us to grow our dreams because those dreams are rooted in who we are and if we trust who we are, the dreams naturally grow.

Back when I was a teenager, I remember asking my father how to be yourself and feel comfortable out in the world and he said that he had found that he would much rather make his own decisions and live with any of the possible resulting mistakes, than follow someone else's way and live with the ramifications of those choices. At the time, I didn't really understand how that answered my question, but now I think I do. When you hear yourself and follow your own way, it is much easier to be comfortable in the world, than if you don't. Your way is your path to authenticity and being authentic is the only way to be truly at ease in the world.

So, draw your own picture. Only you can feel what you want it to be. And let the opinions and comments of others represents possibilities - none of which you have to join, unless they match what you already know to be true.


All is Well.
Lots of love,
Jen