Heading In the Right Direction (written 6/26/07)

Hello smart people. This week, the NEWS is about HEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION and what a great comfort that can be - if we let it.

Opportunity knocked again and I nervously looked through the peep hole to see what might be there. Turns out, it was a chance to go to an autograph signing party (with other authors, agents, editors) at the Pacific Northwest Writers Conference, as well as give a ninety minute presentation on another day, to conference participants. I was, to be honest, immediately grateful for the chance, and then immediately frightened. Bill, who is creating a magazine for the PNWA and has been given the (currently unpaid) position of Editor In Chief, brought me the news and told me I needed to give my answer soon.

Well, I have a history of not "flowing" well with change, or new things popping up and that old habit seized me by the throat and sent me whirling. Although there was a " yes" in me, my fear seemed to demand that I go many rounds of anxious over- thought on the matter. It was the fact that I've never spoken for ninety minutes before and the fact that I didn't know what I would talk about that was haunting me. It seemed unsafe even though I felt compelled to give it a whirl. The internal agony continued.

It's a strange thing, with our minds, how we can powerfully DECIDE where we're Going to Land, meaning we can decide how we're going to hold ourselves and our thoughts in relation to something/anything. Sometimes, I have grabbed hold of this ability, and then other times, I've felt a slave to old, frightened patterns of thought- as though a conveyor belt of unwanted experiences were inevitably on their way towards a powerless me. I wanted to know exactly what I was going to say at this presentation, and I wanted to feel exactly right and confident about it and then, I thought, I would be willing to give my "yes". But, it doesn't really work like this. There are no guarantees that stream to us from the outside; it is always a DECISION, always a matter of deciding where you want to land, regardless of external conditions and situations.

A while ago, I was reading a book and in it the man, Barry Kauffman (who runs the Son-Rise program for autistic kids) was trying to help out one of his staff. Her problem was that she was very worried that she was never going to meet a man and fall in love. This worry was consuming her and coloring her days. He asked her if he could guarantee that she would meet someone in six months, could she relax - would this end her angst? She said yes, that would be great. Then, he asked her if he could guarantee that she would meet someone in a year, would that be okay? She said, "yes". Then he asked her if two years would be okay. And she said that yes, if she absolutely for certain knew that she would meet this man in two years, she would be able to relax and be okay with waiting. And so, he wrote on a piece of paper that she would meet and fall in love with a man in two years, and he handed it to her. She held onto that paper for dear life and over the course of the next days, she was happier than she'd been in a long time. She started being more focused in her work, and everyone was noticing the positive changes in her. The story goes on, but the point is that once she gave herself permission to believe she was heading in the right direction, that what she wanted would come, she freed herself to be more present and create a richer experience NOW.

Another story from that same book talks about how a man came in to the office for some therapy-type work and prefaced their work with his announcement that in the course of their meeting he might have to take some medication because his back pain was severe and flared up often. As they were starting to get into things, sure enough, he began to seize up with pain and reached for his medication, explaining that it would just be a few minutes before he had some relief. Barry Kauffman watched as he put the medication to his lips and immediately seemed to relax and feel better. He asked the man about this, and the man admitted that it was strange - that the doctor had told him the medicine would start working after about twenty minutes, and yet, he always seemed to have immediate relief. Barry Kauffman asked him if he was in pain right then, and he said he was not.

The point is - whether it's a note saying that you're going to get and be and have what you want, or it's a pill that symbolizes that you are going to get to feel how you want ( = better), it's all the same. It is all the sense that we are Heading in the Right Direction that helps us relax and release the fear and pain.

And when I finally realized that no matter how this event goes, no matter what I say, or whether I make mistakes, or whether it goes great - or maybe I make mistakes and those mistakes lead to something great - no matter which way things go, no matter what happens, my initial "yes" came from the belief and the knowing that I am Heading in the Right Direction. And that's going to have to be enough, and if I focus upon that long enough, strangely, without all the details and assurances being filled in, that is enough. And this starts to make me more willing to take a risk.

I've always tried to master the details and rest and feel safe there, but there's a lot of stress for me in that process and I never really do end up feeling safe. When you decide where you want to land and you take a step, any step that you know in your heart is in the Right Direction of where you truly want to be(even if it may need to be revised a LOT later), you can find Reassurance and Comfort and the release of fear and pain in this, without external assurances.

I need to practice, but it's coming.

All my best to you.
All is Well.
Lots of love,
Jen